Thinking about parents

Hi there everyone,
I'm writing this at home, again feeling guilty about not being in the classroom. My son -- the child who never gets sick, and when he does, is never sick enough to stay home from school -- is upstairs sick with a stomach bug that he probably got from his little sister.
I've been thinking about parents and their role in the classroom lately anyway -- and Sam had asked us to comment on it, so I'm glad to. Tomorrow is a conference day. Springfield requires their teachers to work at least one hour a week outside of the classroom. And since we know that teachers NEVER work outside the classroom -- especially not their first year, when they have everything completely figured out -- they ensure that we do so by having what's called Extended Day. One Wednesday a month it is a staff meeting, another Wednesday it's parent conferences. (The other two Wednesdays we Montessori trainees have off, as a nod to the homework and our Tuesday classes.) So that means that one day a month we have one hour -- about three slots-- for parent conferences. Last month I had three parents sign up and one show, even after phone calls and reminders. The one that showed is the same parent who would talk to me nonstop about her son at every morning and afternoon transition, if I let her. While I was out last week, she came in the classroom for over an hour, tried to "help out" by telling a child (not her son) to erase her writing since it was spelled wrong, and finally had to be removed by the principal. It's not that she's a bad person, per se. She's just misguided and recently lost her job, so I think she's devoting even MORE time to making sure her son's class runs smoothly.

Some of the parents I have never met, and a few are ardently involved -- more so than I'd wish, even, as you can see. On the whole, when I have had conversations with parents about their children, I find them to be very typical of parents everywhere....they want the best for their child. They want him/her to do well, have friends, act appropriately, etc. They do parent differently than I do. But their basic goals are the same.

Occasionally I've found parents to be a bit defensive about their children (another ubiquitous trait of parents). "How is she/he doing?" is a common question I hear. Often I respond positively. Sometimes, after a particularly tough day that included violent incidents or continual distractions, I'll say that their child had a tough time focusing, or repeatedly hit another child, etc. The responses to this are interesting. Some parents act concerned and promise to make it better. Others start to scream (often in Spanish) at their child right there in front of me. Some start to complain about how terrible the child is at home, right in front of the child. And then a few tell me that I'm not doing very well, and need to punish the child more. Or offer rewards for good behavior. There is so much of that going on at home with these children, from what I can tell. It's antithetical to everything Montessori believed in.

I often wish that parents had been given some sort of clue as to what the Montessori thing was all about. Until school began, many of them knew only that there was some sort of change happening. I'm not sure any one of them could say what Montessori is all about, even in the most general way. That worries me.