Ups and Downs

Hi all,
Last week showed me how full of ups and downs life as a teacher is. Monday was a spectacular day -- and unexpectedly so, since it was a Monday and the children typically come in forgetting how to act in the classroom. Tuesday, however, was the polar opposite. The students seemed to do absolutely no work. Nothing engaged them at all. Their work period was spent doing anything from wandering around (best case scenario) to hitting others and hiding under tables(worst case). The rest of the week followed Tuesday's example. Wednesday I went home convinced that I wasn't actually teaching. I felt mean; I felt ineffective. I felt like calling a friend that teaches nearby but couldn't bear to hear what her students were doing. I felt like calling my loan company and asking them if I could be deferred just on the basis that my education clearly didn't do much for me. Are my students learning anything at all? How many times will I have to explain what to do when the bell rings?

Montessori theory, as well as my own instincts, push me to find what interests these kids. What engages them? What CAN they do that they'll feel successful at? But it's so, so hard to do. What engages them is not academics right now. I've spent hours upon hours making beautiful classroom materials for them that they have either ruined or ignored. I have had to close the library for a spell because they were mistreating books. I filled the classroom with beauty, as Montessori urges. The thought is: humans need beauty (and it sure is in demand at a building like Gerena), and if you show kids that you are trusting them with beautiful things, they'll act accordingly. But the thing is.....they haven't. They've spilled food on the pillows I brought in for the library. They break things. They smashed a corner of the very expensive Montessori clock. So then what? My instinct is to take them away (and that's what I do most of the time), saying that they are clearly not ready for those things. But how often do these kids feel like they've failed? Am I contributing to that?

It's not just me, of course. Classrooms all over Gerena suffer from this problem. A friend of mine had a student take the wooden stick that she uses to ring her lovely bell and run down Main St with it (in the middle of a school day, with a paraprofessional giving chase) and throw it into the street. That was the same friend who had a student pull back her pinky finger so far on Friday that she couldn't move it and had to go to the hospital. The world around me abounds with bad news and horrible stories. It is becoming harder and harder to pay them no mind. I pass by the Pods on my way to Pod 8 and hear teachers frustrated before the day even begins. We complain more than my own son does about lack of television time and how unfair it is that I won't buy Webkinz . Do we have a right? Sure. More so than Drew does. Does it help us to complain? I used to think yes--that venting and complaining were helpful. But in this job, it doesn't help me. It spreads discouragement and a sense of helplessness. Those are things I refuse to acknowledge right now. Sure, as an urban teacher have to face the reality of what you are dealing with in the classroom. But facing it and complaining about it (or about the administration, or about the lack of walls, etc) are different things.

The good news? The finger was only strained. My beautiful clock can still tell time. My students draw me beautiful pictures that say "I love you". The Red Sox are in the World Series. I have a conference with a parent on Monday whom I've never met and whose son really needs some help in school. I spent my weekend laminating and cutting more beautiful materials. They might be ready for them on Monday.

As a final side note: I am part of a Service Team at Gerena -- groups of teachers that get together and troubleshoot issues with specific kids. In my team are two other Smithies. One of them, Emily, teaches third grade and we were discussing a student of hers who is very low in reading and writing -- at a first grade level. She also suffers from extreme lack of confidence and now practically refuses to attempt anything at all because of it. She responds well to one-on-one work, but has virtually no opportunity for that, since Emily is alone in the classroom all the time. Are there any brave ones out there reading this blog that might have an hour a week to give to this girl? As luck had it, I recently had received notice that I'd be receiving a volunteer in my classroom from 10-12 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I had his assignment changed to Emily's room, so those times are all set, I think. But Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, from 9:30-11:30 -- those are the times that would be best. They do their literacy work in the morning. If you are interested, email me. My email is johannagreenough@gmail.com. I can hook you up with Emily so that you could set something up. And if anyone is interested in volunteering any time but can't during those times, let me know. I know so many other teachers who are desperate for another set of hands.